Discussion: View Thread

From: <esteken@aol.com>
Date: Tue, 14 Sep 2010 16:17:25 -0400
To: <esteken@aol.com>
Subject: I think you will like this -- it's get funnier, the further you read.

Friends,

I hope no one takes offense at this forward.  To me, although funny, it speaks to how far the educational level of our youth as a whole has dropped (not in any way confined to those in particular religious schools).

Esther
-----Original Message-----
From: Mitch
To: Judy
Sent: Mon, Sep 13, 2010 12:35 pm
Subject: Fwd: You will like this...


There are many perceptions, misconceptions and perspectives about the Old and New Testaments.  These are a few hilarious interpretations from kids.  Some of them sound familiar, and may have been circulated before.
 
mnc

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              Nun  Grading Papers

Can  you imagine the nun sitting at her desk grading  these papers, all the while trying to keep a  straight face and maintain her  composure!

PAY  SPECIAL ATTENTION TO THE WORDING AND SPELLING. IF  YOU KNOW THE BIBLE EVEN A LITTLE, YOU'LL FIND THIS  HILARIOUS! IT COMES FROM A CATHOLIC  ELEMENTARY SCHOOL TEST.

KIDS  WERE ASKED QUESTIONS ABOUT THE OLD AND NEW  TESTAMENTS. THE FOLLOWING STATEMENTS ABOUT THE BIBLE  WERE WRITTEN BY CHILDREN. THEY HAVE NOT BEEN  RETOUCHED OR CORRECTED.. INCORRECT SPELLING HAS BEEN  LEFT IN.


1.  IN THE FIRST BOOK OF THE BIBLE, GUINESSIS. GOD GOT  TIRED OF CREATING THE WORLD SO HE TOOK THE SABBATH  OFF.

2.  ADAM AND EVE WERE CREATED FROM AN APPLE TREE. NOAH'S  WIFE WAS JOAN OF ARK. NOAH BUILT AND  ARK   AND THE ANIMALS CAME ON IN  PEARS.

3.  LOTS WIFE WAS A PILLAR OF SALT DURING THE DAY, BUT A  BALL OF FIRE DURING THE  NIGHT.

4.  THE JEWS WERE A PROUD PEOPLE AND THROUGHOUT HISTORY  THEY HAD TROUBLE WITH UNSYMPATHETIC  GENITALS..

5.  SAMPSON WAS A STRONGMAN WHO LET HIMSELF BE LED  ASTRAY BY A JEZEBEL LIKE  DELILAH.

6.  SAMSON SLAYED THE PHILISTINES WITH THE AXE OF THE  APOSTLES.

7  MOSES LED THE JEWS TO THE  RED   SEA   WHERE THEY MADE UNLEAVENED BREAD WHICH IS  BREAD WITHOUT ANY  INGREDIENTS.


8,  THE EGYPTIANS WERE ALL DROWNED IN THE DESSERT.  AFTERWARDS, MOSES WENT UP TO   MOUNT   CYANIDE  TO GET THE TEN  COMMANDMENTS

9.  THE FIRST COMMANDMENTS WAS WHEN EVE TOLD ADAM TO EAT  THE APPLE.

10.  THE SEVENTH COMMANDMENT IS THOU SHALT NOT ADMIT  ADULTERY.

11.  MOSES DIED BEFORE HE EVER REACHED  CANADA   THEN JOSHUA LED THE HEBREWS IN  THE BATTLE OF  GERITOL.


12.  THE GREATEST MIRICLE IN THE BIBLE IS WHEN JOSHUA  TOLD HIS SON TO STAND STILL AND HE OBEYED  HIM.

13.  DAVID WAS A HEBREW KING WHO WAS SKILLED AT PLAYING  THE LIAR. HE FOUGHT THE FINKELSTEINS, A RACE OF  PEOPLE WHO LIVED IN BIBLICAL  TIMES.

14.  SOLOMON, ONE OF DAVIDS SONS, HAD 300 WIVES AND 700  PORCUPINES.

15.  WHEN MARY HEARD SHE WAS THE MOTHER OF JESUS, SHE  SANG THE MAGNA  CARTA.

16.  WHEN THE THREE WISE GUYS FROM THE EAST SIDE ARRIVED  THEY FOUND JESUS IN THE  MANAGER.

17.  JESUS WAS BORN BECAUSE MARY HAD AN IMMACULATE  CONTRAPTION.

18.   ST. JOHN  THE BLACKSMITH DUMPED WATER ON HIS  HEAD.

19.  JESUS ENUNCIATED THE GOLDEN RULE, WHICH SAYS TO DO  UNTO OTHERS BEFORE THEY DO ONE TO YOU. HE ALSO  EXPLAINED A MAN DOTH NOT LIVE BY SWEAT  ALONE.

20.  IT WAS A MIRICLE WHEN JESUS ROSE FROM THE DEAD AND  MANAGED TO GET THE  TOMBSTONE  OFF THE  ENTRANCE.

21.  THE PEOPLE WHO FOLLOWED THE LORD WERE CALLED THE 12  DECIBELS.

22. THE  EPISTELS WERE THE WIVES OF THE  APOSTLES.

23.  ONE OF THE OPPOSSUMS WAS ST. MATTHEW WHO WAS ALSO A  TAXIMAN.

24.   ST. PAUL  CAVORTED TO CHRISTIANITY, HE PREACHED  HOLY ACRIMONY WHICH IS ANOTHER NAME FOR  MARRAIGE.

25.  CHRISTIANS HAVE ONLY ONE SPOUSE. THIS IS CALLED  MONOTONY.

     

 
 
 

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